I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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