I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
