Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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