the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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