my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
