This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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