thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
