i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
