just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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