Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
