The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
