Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Drunk is a universal language darling
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
