I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
