Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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