He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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