My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I need a burrito and a hug.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
