If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
