I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
