I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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