apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
