Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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