i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
