Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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