Ambien. No doubt about it.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
