Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
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I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
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I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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