I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
