It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
