Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
