as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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