Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
