Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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