why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
