We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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