I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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