So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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