I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
