Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Two words: blizzard sex
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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