Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
