OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
kristin has been a bad kristin
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
