I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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