if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
we made out on top of his cat.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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