why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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