I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
