They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
