she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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