You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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