soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
