u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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