return my video game
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
