No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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