I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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