New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The air taste purple.
Randomize
