Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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