Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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