Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
