Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
