and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
