Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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