you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
