You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
